I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
