I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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