Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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