i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
