in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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