YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
