He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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