so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
