there's paper in my vomit.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
