Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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