My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
