he referred to my room as the tit cave...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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