What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
