Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
