I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
