I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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