Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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