She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
