I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
