Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
