I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
