I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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