He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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