I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
