There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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