even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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