I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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