im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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