Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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