What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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