Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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