Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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