I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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