"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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