I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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