ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
