considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
