my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
