did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
