The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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