I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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