I skipped work to stalk him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
