Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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