cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
