You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm both gender and math confused
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
