I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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