In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
