what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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