Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
