Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
