sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
