I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize