I cannot find my penis.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize