I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
