You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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