We named our party play list daddy issues
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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