u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
