Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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