Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
