My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
