just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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