Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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