I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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