More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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