So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
