College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He did a backflip because drugs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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