hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
