This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
