Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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