Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
