Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize