Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did I show you my penis last night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
