I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
