he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
