U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
