I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
