I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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