I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
