You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
