I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
